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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2011 23:28:46 GMT -1
I've found in the past that, at times, when family have been threatened or hurt, I've leaped from simple anger to a state of pure, primeval rage. Whenever it's happened, I've felt herself around very strongly and it becomes difficult to tell where one energy ends and the next begins. It's also usually accompanied by a "coincidental" accident or attack involving whoever provoked that anger. In the past, it's never something I'd considered learning to control. It was something that only occurred in dire circumstances and my mindset was pretty much "if it isn't coincidence, it's just desserts" (I was young!). I hadn't felt that rage in such a long time, I really thought it wasn't a part of me any more, but today someone really crossed the line with Dylan and bang, the whole house is pulsing with the tension you feel in the air just before a storm hits. Which is a bit of a shock given my usual calm, logical and compassionate nature and tendency to try and understand other people's actions. I'm wondering, whether that intense level of pure energy serves a purpose when it can't be wielded? Maybe the purpose is to redress balance in some way. It's a tricky one for me, the spiritual side of me says that to deny the true extent of that rage when it's provoked by real harm, is completely at odds with my relationship with deity and a bit disrespectful (the energy/actions of the gods aren't good enough for me) but of course, we're all brought up to believe that it's not acceptable to want to start decorating fences, however much of an improvement that may be to the local community, so it's also difficult to entirely embrace that rage. And of course when, as has happened today, the other person isn't around, it's not good for my health. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? (Aside from "you're a mad rambling woman and you need a big box of Kalms  ) |
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Post by potia on Apr 3, 2011 9:27:00 GMT -1
I don't think I've experienced rage to that extent since I was a child but I have experienced other emotions that have been so overwheming that I have needed to do something to release them.
How you release these things is the tricky part. For me it is usually song that provides the answer and I don't mean song with words but a wordless outpouring of emotion given voice. I simply let it out and offer it up and trust that my gods will be able to use the energy I release in some way. Sometimes I find words come and I may end up with a song that is linked into the emotions that were raised that I can keep in my mind and heart. That sort of thing is usually more likely with the more positive emotions such as gratitude or love. With grief, fear or sorrow the release is usually wordless, deeply profound and in some way taken from me in the process leaving me able to find a sense of balance again.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2011 10:55:11 GMT -1
I don't think I've experienced rage to that extent since I was a child but I have experienced other emotions that have been so overwheming that I have needed to do something to release them. How you release these things is the tricky part. For me it is usually song that provides the answer and I don't mean song with words but a wordless outpouring of emotion given voice. I simply let it out and offer it up and trust that my gods will be able to use the energy I release in some way. Sometimes I find words come and I may end up with a song that is linked into the emotions that were raised that I can keep in my mind and heart. That sort of thing is usually more likely with the more positive emotions such as gratitude or love. With grief, fear or sorrow the release is usually wordless, deeply profound and in some way taken from me in the process leaving me able to find a sense of balance again. Thanks Potia, that makes sense to me. Last night I had an overwhelming urge to find a hill to go and scream on. I haven't sung in years, my voice has felt trapped in my chest, I'd put that down to grief I need to release ... I think it's in my nature to hold on to things rather than releasing them out of habit, because of the extent of some of those feelings and the worry they might overwhelm me. It's frightening that one event can shake my entire sense of self, but it's probably a good thing. Better to know there's work to be done than to be oblivious, I guess. |
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Post by potia on Apr 3, 2011 13:58:37 GMT -1
Sometimes we need complete solitude to release things and sometimes we can only do it with someone else we trust to provide the support we may need if we get shaky.
From my own experience if you don't let things out bit at a time they grow to the extent that sooner or later they burst out and that's not good. It's hard to learn to let things out though and it can be even harder for those close to you if they aren't used to seeing you release things.
Hugs.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2011 19:19:41 GMT -1
Sometimes we need complete solitude to release things and sometimes we can only do it with someone else we trust to provide the support we may need if we get shaky. From my own experience if you don't let things out bit at a time they grow to the extent that sooner or later they burst out and that's not good. It's hard to learn to let things out though and it can be even harder for those close to you if they aren't used to seeing you release things. Hugs. I'm definitely someone who needs solitude, I trained myself not to show weakness in front of others from early on in life as a self-protective measure, so it's easier for me to let go and let myself feel things when I'm alone. Also, it means it's only my feelings I need to deal with, which means I can completely focus on them. I find there's never a good time to open the box, so to speak. Being responsible to the family, to my commitments always takes precedence, but I am beginning to realise that I need to let go of a few things and when that rage does come on, I need to release it. It may be a valid response to seeing my family hurt or harmed, but I can support them better if I'm calm and focused than I can when I'm full of rage. Thanks for taking the time to answer Potia, you've given me a lot to think about. |
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Post by potia on Apr 3, 2011 20:20:48 GMT -1
Maybe you could take some time for this at the Brython gathering if it feels appropriate to you?
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Post by redraven on Apr 4, 2011 7:10:47 GMT -1
This is an interesting perspective upon this subject matter taken from a story originating from the indigineous cultures of North America...
" A grandfather was talking to his grandson about many things.
He said "I feel like as if two wolfs are fighting in my heart. One is vengeful, angry, violent and the other is loving, compassionate and strong."
The grandson asked the grandfather "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?"
The Grandfather replied "The one I feed."
RR
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 13:00:40 GMT -1
Maybe you could take some time for this at the Brython gathering if it feels appropriate to you? That's a very good idea. I'd also love to take some time to discuss it further, if you'd be willing. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 13:08:27 GMT -1
This is an interesting perspective upon this subject matter taken from a story originating from the indigineous cultures of North America... " A grandfather was talking to his grandson about many things. He said "I feel like as if two wolfs are fighting in my heart. One is vengeful, angry, violent and the other is loving, compassionate and strong." The grandson asked the grandfather "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?" The Grandfather replied "The one I feed." RR I've always loved that story  The problem with this is that it's not something I feed, it's not something that's a part of my nature 99.9% of the time. It only ever arises when family have been hurt and it's completely different to any other emotion I've ever felt. Even as a teenager with anger issues, the anger felt weak and diluted compared to this. It's such an intense energy, it's as if I've plugged myself into something and left myself on charge for too long. I think to some extent, it's partly a natural response to the situation, after all if you attack the young of any animal they'll fight tooth and nail with a ferocity they wouldn't otherwise. It's just something that's so far outside my experience and the fact it seems to instantly evoke deity concerns me a little. The coincidental injuries that accompany it are also a concern. Could be entirely coincidental, could be something I need to learn to control. |
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Post by potia on Apr 4, 2011 13:44:00 GMT -1
Maybe you could take some time for this at the Brython gathering if it feels appropriate to you? That's a very good idea. I'd also love to take some time to discuss it further, if you'd be willing. Happy to discuss further either here or elsewhere if you prefer |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2011 0:32:58 GMT -1
I found as soon as I'd fought back with everything at my disposal, the rage completely faded ... I'm thinking I may have answered my own question, partly. Maybe the purpose is to ensure that I don't stop fighting for the things that are really important, until I've given it my all. After all, if I wasn't so angry, I wouldn't have been so motivated to take the fight as far as I possibly could and this rage only ever rears its head when family have been seriously hurt and that's a situation in which you want to be fighting with everything you've got to protect the people you care about.
The end result of all this was that Dylan felt like less of a victim and I think that's a really important aspect of healing, not feeling powerless after the fact. Of course, I'd still like to learn to control it a little more so that, in the time where I can't be actively working towards whatever conclusion will enable me to release it, I'm not letting steam out of my ears. But knowing that it'll pass when I've done whatever needs to be done is definitely reassuring!
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Post by potia on Apr 7, 2011 11:19:10 GMT -1
I'm glad you have found a solution for this time at least |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2011 14:25:38 GMT -1
I'm glad you have found a solution for this time at least Thanks Potia, I'm still going to work on learning to release it, because sometimes in life there are battles you can't win and it's important to be able to let things go in those situations. I'm just glad that on this occasion the rage kept me fighting until I'd managed to make a change. |
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Post by Adam on Apr 8, 2011 10:44:35 GMT -1
I don't know if it makes any sense or is of any use in this context, but i recognise the emotional response that arises when something threatens the family... difference I have experienced is that mine is utterly, utterly cold. I actually become aware of the source of the feelings as outside of my self... I have come to identify it as originating in my relationship with my ancestors whose presence I feel at such times behind me that I know I am unstoppable. If force is required, I will use force, if law, I will use law etc... I am totally confident that opportunities, defences, means and weapons (metaphorical) will present themselves and they do... my poor wife may be panicking and all I can say is trust me. It's kind of like something flips and I am now a channel for a force that will protect my family come what may.
I think that what I am saying is that it is worth bringing that feeling to whatever spiritual relationship you have and seeing if, when not under its influence, meditation and working within that spiritual relationship, be it with Gods or Ancestor can assist you in transmuting this innate, primordial and natural force that becomes more congruent with that spiritual relationship...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2011 13:53:50 GMT -1
Thanks Adam, it's good to know someone else has experienced the same thing. There's always a part of me where such perceptions are concerned that is worried that my experience of that connection to deity could simply be a projection of my own feelings, interpreted with arrogance. I feel the primordial nature of that force is certainly congruent with my relationship with deity, which I think may be related to my ancestors too. There's evidence of a connection to the same deity through our line (with a few breaks), so it may be that my focus needs to be more on understanding what it is (and why it is) and trusting that as a natural force, it will dissipate when it's time. |
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