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Post by jez on Feb 18, 2006 20:08:05 GMT -1
Celtic Sex Secrets from the Court of King Arthur - revealed!
Chapter One.
The steam of the cauldron permeated the whole room as the slave girl poured yet more rose-petals into the bath.
"Enough, Aphrodisia," purred Guinevere as she removed the last flimsy linen tunic from her strong firm body. "Leave me now, and, when the moon rises, fetch my Lord the King to the chamber."
The red-haired girl fled the room, and the Queen, stretching out in the firelight, delicately placed one elegant foot in the bronze vessel.
"Too bloody hot again!!" she shouted, hopping around like a dancing crane she had once seen on a piece of broken Roman pottery.
At that moment, there was a scaping at the door. Quickly, the Queen composed herself, posing in a semi-startled way by the fire.
"Come in, my Lord!" she cried, mentally cursing the fool of a slave girl. Hadn't she told her to wait until moonrise?
The door opened, and she gasped. The burly body was not that of her consort...
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Post by littleraven on Feb 19, 2006 11:22:41 GMT -1
ROFLMAO!!!
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Post by beithann on Mar 5, 2006 22:26:05 GMT -1
hehehehe ;D Now - that's a title that would definitely be on the bestsellers list  Beith |
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Post by Blackbird on Mar 6, 2006 8:37:23 GMT -1
Chapter Two
The muscled warrior strode in, his taut body glistening with goose grease. His mother had rubbed it on his chest earlier, as he had a cold coming on.
Guinevere's strong, firm body trembled like a flower and she fell into another pose, this one copied from some rather rude decorations on a Greek plate that she and her maidens had spent many hours scrutinising. She eyed the man through fluttering eyelashes, noticing that he appeared to have a runny nose. Still, she was never a girl to turn down a golden opportunity, so she sidled forward, wincing slightly as her burned foot touched cold tiles.
She was just in time to catch the muscled warrior as he fell into a faint, overcome by the rich, foreign oils that Guinevere had poured copiously into her bath. Luckily, she had spent all the previous summer playing games with other scantily clad maidens, a contest which involved throwing a pigs bladder at passing merchants, with points scored for various target areas.
The game had left her slim body strong and toned, so that she easily caught the semi-naked man as his legs buckled. However, the goose grease had made him slippery, so that she overbalanced and they fell in a heap together upon the bath house floor.
To her horror, she heard the commanding voice of her Lord coming ever closer down the corridor outside...
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Post by velnita on Mar 6, 2006 13:21:59 GMT -1
This is great! Oh, please tell me more!  |
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Post by beithann on Mar 21, 2006 14:58:01 GMT -1
Chapter 3
Guinevere heard the door open with force as she and the Warrior struggled to get to their feet, still breathing heavily. The she heard the words that she dreaded from he Lord.
'Are you still in there? The bath house is never free when I want it, how long are you going to be?? I need ........ well! I just need to use the room - please hurry up!!'
'I am just finishing my Lord' cried Guinevere in as steady a voice as she could muster, but how could she explain her companion. As she knelt beside him, he was just coming round from his faint and looked langorously into Guineveres Blue/green eyes surrounded by long,dark lashes and whispered 'Am I in heaven, are you an Angel', as his hand slowly moved on her taught, shapely thigh.
Guinevere gasped 'We haven't got time for that now, you wimp!, take hold of this!' She thrust an adjustable spanner in his hand, wrapped a towel around her and gathering all her courage she opened the door.
The large Imposing figure of Arthur stood before her, he was magnificent in his kingly garments. 'My Lord' she whispered 'Out of my way Woman' he said pushing past her, running in a way that suggested his knees were tied together and slamming the door. He left the two of them standing there aghast, wondering what to do next.
Guinevere and the warrior were just beginning to gather their thoughts together and thinking they had actually got away with it, when the door flew open again and Arthur's angry but ruggedly handsome face appeared. 'Who the hell is that' he bellowed pointing at the greasy young man with the dripping nose, holding and adjustable spanner. 'He's the plumber, my Lord' stuttered Guinevere 'Have you not noticed how well the flush works now?'
Arthur's face softened, and he smiled at his Lady, wrapped in her towel, who was looking all moist and blushed, like a ripe peach on a hot summers day, he was just thinking what joyful things he could do with that peach when it suddenly dawned on him.
He pointed at the warrior,and hissed 'I know your face, you are no plumber, you are Eric, godson of the mighty Bedevere and a bit of a lad - you have been caught in the houses of married, attractive women before, What are you doing here?'
'What married, attrctive women??' asked Guinevere
They both looked at Eric, waiting for an answer........
Beith
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Post by Blackbird on Mar 21, 2006 16:09:37 GMT -1
Meanwhile, deep in the wild forest that lay beyond Arthur's Court, a cloaked figure stooped over a large cauldron. The figure alternated a stirred the brew and rubbed its hands in glee. The glow from the flames obscures the contents of the cauldron - which is a very good thing. If we could see within, it might put us off our food for a very, very long time.
The crooked crone cackled to herself as she mixed her noxious brew - then stopped and stamped her feet in annoyance. "By the gods, I've forgotten the stoat-wax! Oi, Gwion, come and look after this for a minute!" She stomped off into the darkness, and a wretched looking young lad took her place at the fire.
As he stirred the foul smelling brew, three drops splashed onto his thumb and burned it. Without thought, he stuck his thumb into his mouth - and if he'd actually had anything to eat that day, he would have been sick. And come to think of it, he did feel sick. And kind of... stretched... and a bit... well...
Too late he heard the cloaked crooked cackling crone returning through the trees. He turned to run - but suddenly realised that he had grown. Literally grown. And his ragged clothes were no longer sufficient to cover his modesty. Covering his new found tool kit with his hands, he ran off - did he but know it - in the direction of Arthur's Court.
Meanwhile, the crone flung down the stoat wax and sighed... "bugger it, not again..."
Now, what Gwion didn't know was that as well as having the power to make a person enormously well built and attractive, the potion also had literal attractive properties. As he scuttled through the woods, he heard a rustling behind him that grew ever louder. He tried to ignore it for as long as possible, but then looking back, nearly fainted in terror. He was being pursued by every female animal within half a mile. He turned to run again, desperate to rid himself of his unwanted harem...
....
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Post by jez on Mar 21, 2006 18:41:31 GMT -1
Meanwhile, deep in the wild forest...
Stoat wax?  -- Jez |
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Post by Blackbird on Mar 23, 2006 7:15:49 GMT -1
Stoat wax? ;D |
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